January is to a coach what tax season is to a CPA. It's a time of year when so many people take inventory of their lives and make resolutions to change something they feel is holding them back. Unfortunately, according to a 2019 study by U.S. News & World Report, the failure rate for New Year's resolutions is said to be about 80 percent, and most lose their resolve by mid-February.
During my six month certification to become a coach, we studied the dynamics of change and behaviors that lead to the lasting changes that people seek. What I am going to share with you are guidelines that come from psychologist Jeffery Kottler's book Making Change Last. If these seven things are implemented honestly and effectively, they will significantly increase your ability to make your New Year's resolution a lasting part of your life.
1. Commitment. Kottler says this is "the single most important ingredient" to bringing lasting change. Changing a behavior is extremely difficult. If you don't have a burning desire inside you to take this challenging journey, any change you make will be short lived at best.
2. Attainable goals. All too often people set themselves up for failure because they reach for a goal that far exceeds their current will power or abilities. I do believe that God created us with the ability to do remarkable things, but even the journey to the top of Everest requires many camps along the way. Therefore, a goal to lose 20 pounds in a month may quickly be doomed where as a goal to lose 2 pounds a week can set the stage for lasting change.
3. Relapse prevention. There are times and circumstances in our daily lives that carry significantly higher levels of temptation. It's critical to identify these things up front and put a plan in place to protect yourself as much as possible. Winning in these zones is often the key to cementing your new habits.
4. Practice. Learning a new behavior is always uncomfortable. We must embrace and endure the awkward time when we are painfully aware of every movement we make. Think back to when you learned to drive. Gripping the steering wheel, checking your mirrors, and placing your foot on the pedals felt so robotic at first. But, ultimately repetition made these acts so natural we now hardly recognize we are doing them.
5. Expectations. What we expect about change is closely related to our commitment. In fact, they go hand in hand. Not only do we have to commit to beginning the process, but we have to have a high expectation that we will see it through. If you want to gauge your level of expectation when you make your resolution, ask yourself this question: On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely do you feel this change will still be in effect six months from now?
6. Support systems. John Donne famously said that "no man is an island." Encouragement and accountability from the important people in our lives is critical. Our basic human nature craves this and uses it as fuel to power through the difficult moments. You will significantly increase your chances of reaching your goal if you tell someone you trust about it up front and ask for their help to achieve it.
7. Divine intervention. In addition to Kottler's conclusions, Gary R. Collins, PhD adds that "Christian coaches recognize the awesome power of God to bring lasting change that might never come otherwise." I certainly agree with him on this point. I know that some who read this will have varying opinions about a higher power's involvement in our lives. But, for anyone who is on a journey to understand God's will for us, I encourage you to begin any change in prayer. He will give you the strength to begin and will be with you every step of the way.
It's my sincere hope that these guidelines will strengthen you in your pursuit of change in 2020. I implore you to not make the journey alone. If you would like support beyond your close family and friends, I would be honored to walk beside you. Happy New Year! May you see clearly in 2020!